Thinking Thinking

So this is a lot harder than i thought to keep up with this..... Lately my brain will not turn off and i am randomly thinking about a lot of things im all over the place Happy Sad Crying and just ready to give up all the time I just want to stay in bed and not leave the house but whats new...

When i think about my friends family and outside relationships i can say that there are only a few that are really in my corner and most who are against me but I dont now how to tell the ones that i would love to have out of my life how i really feel about them because i dont want to hurt their feelings even though when mine are constantly HURT. How do you tell someone that your relationship with them is toxic and i feel like its holding me back Im tired of Keeping everything to myself when it comes to the way that i feel about them.
Are their feelings more important to me..My mind is telling me no so i will keep thinking of ways to let them down and faze people out of my life slowy because i feel if they cannot be here for me during my sturggle then they will not be here for me when  i am doing greater things!

DAY 1

Well here goes... I've always wanted to blog to get my feelings out.. I've always wanted to be a mother a wife and a good friend I am most of the time misunderstood but I am a very sweet person. I have struggled with infertility all my life I guess but have never had it confirmed by a doctor I've been pregnant once which ended in a first trimester miscarriage 3 months and two weeks to the day I conceived on Mother's day 09 go figure It was one of the hardest things i have dealt with because i wanted it so bad... I still think about the what ifs and long to hold the child that i lost One day it will happen for me i have faith So now we are trying again 4 years of TTC and nothing yet but i will not give up hope we will keep trying and trying and hope that one day we get the blessing we deserve